Nov 1, 2003

WOMAN TO WOMAN – ACROSS THE USA BY Mary Ann Massey, Ed.D. When I gave birth to Woman to Woman Live in January 2003, I prepared to talk with men and women about the real stuff of their lives using the telephone eTherapy service. To a significant extent, this has come together. The eTherapy service has found a ready niche and taken shape (see Telephone Therapy? What’s That? in the reading room). To my surprise, another avenue opened like an invisible automated door when my foot inadvertently touched the electronic field. In search of…everything: I was not prepared for the calls I received from churches, women’s groups, divorce recovery groups, and individuals seeking face-to-face leaders for retreats and seminars on personal and spiritual growth issues. Church groups ask me to lead marriage enrichment retreats and seminars for women and men. They seek divorce recovery and then remarriage retreat leaders, too. Hotel marketers have called to coordinate women’s spiritual getaway weekends. It’s a win/win for the women whose churches don’t provide spiritual growth programs. Spend the weekend with sisters on life’s journey at a great hotel and be pampered, too. Such retreats will continue to draw women in need from … everywhere! What women are seeking: Women are hurting. They are tired. They are lonely. Sometimes, they are ensconced in fear with no outlet for dispelling it. The women with whom I’ve spoken are married and single, with and without children, in their 20s through their 60s. They no longer meet regularly with friends for coffee, gather in groups to share faith and life experiences, or just let their hair down. Life is too busy and family, which already gets the short end of the stick, comes before self (so self gets no stick?). They resonate immediately with some of the Woman to Woman programs. Yes, they say, that’s what we need to address. Can you come to our setting? One program, in particular has captured the imagination of many across the country. The title: From Pieces to Peace. P E A C E: Several gatherings of women have already generated their own versions of this theme. We know that women want inner peace, some new sense of joy, and more satisfying connections with those they love. Listen to some of their stories: - I’m just learning how to be a mom of a six month old baby and my husband has left me. Now I have to learn how to be a single mom. I don’t know what peace means. - I’m the sole financial support of my family now because my husband retired and is developing his heart’s desire – a mountain resort. The older kids are with him two hours from our home, the high schooler is with my parents, and I’m on the road as a national sales manager two weeks out of every month. I’m exhausted but can’t quit because we need the insurance coverage my job provides as well as the steady income until the resort takes off. I’m so weary I could sit down and cry. When will it be my turn? - My mom is very ill, on dialysis in another state, and I’m in the middle of a merger of businesses. I need to be with mom and I need to be here keeping a handle on my job! I feel more torn than I can describe. - I’ve been married for 27 years but right now I don’t know my husband. We live in different worlds and we grow more distant each month. Our routines dominate the weeks and little intimacy enters the weekends. No matter what I do, golf and TV sports seem most important to him. I don’t want to stay but I don’t know what I’d do if I leave. We have reached a level of financial comfort that I would lose if I live alone. - I’m pretty happy. I have everything I want – a wonderful husband, two sweet children, parents who are supportive, and a terrific job. My situation: I just can’t find enough time in my week to go to the cleaners let alone to the park with the kids. And my husband and I are too tired to give each other much at the end of the day. We just pat each other’s shoulder and turn off the light. - I lost my husband and daughter in a car crash a year ago. Life is a fog for me. I haven’t decided what to live for yet. - I watch the international scene with great concern. I do not think the terrorists are through with us. I am actually quite frightened. It seems out of whack that I should be so scared, but I anticipate every day that something terrible will happen and no one’s consolations alleviate my unrest. - Other people here seem focused on big things. I’m a stay at home mom and even my life feels out of control. Maybe I don’t manage it very well but I never have enough time. The kids are in several after school sports and music lessons; I volunteer at the school two days a week and at my church on Sundays; I cook all meals, clean all rooms, and keep oil in all cars. I call the fix-it folks, negotiate for bargains, and manage the books. I’m busier than if I went to work every day and I’m just as tired each night. My husband and I too just read in bed. It’s good to shut down finally! The stories are as varied as the women who attend. They want to talk and they want to listen to each other. They want to put their own lives in perspective and make choices that give them time to focus, meditate, and celebrate life a little each day. They want to be with others who understand with little explanation exactly how life feels on the inside. From P I E C E S, broken, chipped, and weather worn, to P E A C E, quiet, centered even if only for a little while, and refreshed, the women who make a weekend getaway happen for themselves are pleased they’ve done so. They are renewed in faith, energy, and vision. They go home to those they love with a firmer self care purpose. Yea! That’s what it’s all about.